STOP Blaming the Victim!

I was listening to a livestream this morning and I had to share some information.

Many times, those who have been involved in toxic relationships have been made to feel shame and embarrassment for being in that type of relationship or for failing to leave when others think they should leave. Let’s STOP.

People who are empathic in nature, meaning there’s an ability to understand and share the feelings of someone else, always want to see the good in others. I have always been tuned into the feelings of others around me and will react to excessive stimuli. This is why a trip to NYC is so exhilarating to me as well as exhausting! As an empath, I’m taking in so many emotions and energies around me, it’s hard to even focus on the food!

That said, do you think a person expects to be abused? No! We want to see the good in people. We look through the unpleasant and try to see people as God sees them. We want to love and be loved by that person. We never think a person can and will pretend to be someone they are not – purposefully.

Disclaimer: I will never label a person as a “narcissist” unless I know for sure they have been clinically diagnosed. In my case, there was no clinical diagnosis, unless that was the one thing that was not shared with me. Maybe part of the pretense? Maybe. I do know, however, from personal experience that this person displays 8 of the 9 traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

So, in my relationship, I thanked God because I thought that after everything else He restored to me, He was sending my Chapter 2 to love me for the rest of our lives. I later learned that the enemy heard the words I spoke “You didn’t send the love I had” and used those words against me. HE TRIED IT BUT GOD knew what was going to happen and protected and provided for me!

I shared my happiness with all of my family, friends, associates and colleagues. They shared in that joy. They gave many words of encouragement and blessings. They were awesome! They followed me for 7 days as I drove across country to meet my Chapter 2. I was grateful for that opportunity to prove God’s protection and the independence He allowed me to experience by walking me through doing something I had never ever done before. 

Not only did my friends and family witness the words of love coming from this person, they also saw the times when he would lash out at others for no apparent reason. I saw it too. I knew, because he told me, that he had been hurt in life. I knew the pain that trauma can leave and the impact on your life. So, although I saw very early that there were signs of insecurity based on the hurt he had sustained, I knew I could “love him past his pain”. I felt like I was in a Tyler Perry movie. But I understood hurt and betrayal very well and it felt good for someone to say again that they loved me. To have known this person since I was 15 years old, I thought it was the perfect set up. I even said how blessed was I to have TWO of the best loves in my life.

I was also still bleeding from the trauma I had sustained. People with NPD are like sharks and can smell blood. He attacked! And he knew he would be successful because he wasn’t a stranger to me. I initially said, I was not interested in anybody after my husband because I did not think anybody could love me like he did. Man, how right I was!

He pretended to be someone he thought I needed and wanted in that season of my life. He began by isolating me from people who loved me – my family and friends. He continued with gaslighting, projection, grandiosity, manipulation, control, extreme jealousy, monopolizing conversations, extreme mood swings, overly boastful about achievements, superiority to others and lack of empathy for others, always craving the “best” of everything, which is one reason why we lived in a 6 bedroom house, and fragile self-esteem. This is JUST a taste! This doesn’t even include the physical abuse!

So, why on earth would I want to be subjected to that? For love – when I was being killed inside and outside? I didn’t even recognize myself at the end. People are being told that I left because I seduced a man while with him and I went to live with that man. For those who know me, that couldn’t be any further from the truth! I left for ME – to save my life, regain my self-esteem and repair my soul that had been lost. No matter how much I loved this person, I loved myself more!!

What we must not do is blame the victim! We all have heard someone ask the question “what did you do to cause it”? There are a number of reasons why a person with NPD will damage the person with whom they’re in a relationship but none of those reasons are the victims’ fault. The responsibility belongs to the abuser. But I had to learn that one of the traits of a person with NPD is that they will never take responsibility or accountability for anything they have done wrong. That’s unfortunate. That’s why I take so much time to educate on recognizing those signs, discerning those behaviors and ensuring that you take care of yourself. If we all know what to discern, we may be able to avoid the hurt that many have sustained.

I was recently watching a movie and started talking to myself. I’m shouting at the TV and telling the lady “open your eyes – that’s a red flag”. “Be careful”!

Here are some things to be careful of which points to “victim blaming”:

  1. They deserve it. They should have known better. Because I have a big heart and wanted to see the good in a person who admitted that they had been hurt, I deserved to be abused? No matter what a person thinks of me – or any other victim – no one deserves to be abused.
  2. Many times we point out things the victim may need to change about themselves. But the problem lies with the abuser and his character. No matter what a victim’s character or personality lacks, its no excuse for abuse.
  3. People tend to think the victim caused the abuse. The fact of the matter is, the abuser has some serious mental health challenges and needs to seek help for them.

Victim blaming is trauma within itself because it’s hurtful and harmful to your mental and emotional state. We are placing trauma on top of trauma already sustained. It’s considered a secondary trauma or a secondary assault. It forces you to internalize the trauma that shame, anxiety, guilt, embarrassment, depression and PTSD can impose – it can even lead to suicidal thoughts.

US News & World Report: “We are a culture of victim-blamers,” Engel says, adding that those who suffer sexual abuse – from young children to predominantly female students on college campuses – are frequently blamed for what happened to them. “The core of victim-blaming is that we don’t want to feel out of control,” she says, since being victimized – or learning that someone else was victimized – threatens to shatter the illusion that we’re always in control of what happens to us; and it runs counter to a notion rooted deeply in our society, Engel says. “Fighting for our freedom, being independent, fighting against someone controlling us – we have a whole history of that.”

If you have been a victim, remember:

  • ABUSE IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
  • Deal with the negative and false emotions of recovering
  • When dealing with those negative and false emotions, you need to unpack them with someone who can walk you through to healing
  • Accept that what you are feeling is normal

I am no longer a VICTIM. I am a VICTOR because I defeated the enemy

The victory belongs to Jesus! Victory was not a matter of me fixing or changing the circumstances like I thought I could.  Victory was IN ME. It was me coming to the place in my relationship with God where I believed Him – independent of the circumstances. It didn’t matter what the situation looked like. I knew and believed what God said! I had the victory of faith and that victory means freedom!

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If you are looking for a speaker who will impact your audiences as she shares getting through their pain to their power, their tests to their testimonies and their agony to their aspirations, please think of The FIRST lady.

Visit the website for everything that we offer in Inner Healing:
1. Livestream and Clubhouse Teachings
2. Guest Podcasting
3. eBooks
4. Online Courses
5. Group Coaching
6. 1:1 Coaching

If you have experienced trauma and need coaching/counseling on releasing it, please join our Facebook group.
If you are looking for a second stream of income while helping ladies improve their self esteem, please join my VIP Group.

I can be reached at firstlady@firstladyministries.org or at 973-214-1136.

God bless you on your NEW journeys!

*************************************************************************

Denyse H. Turner, D.H.L., M.P.H., M.A., ACC
Certified Inner Healing Minister/Counselor/Coach
Certified Christian Family Counselor
Public Speaker/Author/Grantwriter/Ghostwriter/Trainer/Counselor/Faith-Based Travel Educator
First Lady and Chief Connector at Dr. Gregory C. Turner, Late Pastor of Christ Temple Baptist Church

First Lady helping others win!

I am picking up ministry where my husband left off!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY in TWO Seasons!

I was beginning this post on Facebook but God spoke to me and said do it on the blog. So I complied! 

I’m really glad I did for a couple of reasons:

Everything that I need to share about this Anniversary date of March 1 deserves more space.

When I got to the website/blog, I found there was an undesirable comment. The enemy is still busy with what he does best.

Today, March 1 will forever be etched in my mind, my spirit and my heart for the remainder of my days. 

On this day 42 years ago, I left my mother’s care to begin a new life at the tender age of 21. I married a man who I KNOW loved me. He not only told me every day but he showed me every day. I HONOR his memory and legacy today!

Did we have a perfect marriage? No, no one does.
Was he a perfect man?  No, but he was perfect for me.
God had me in mind when He made him. We could not have had a better life. I am SO grateful for him for our life together.

I know he was tailor made for me because – silly me – I told him I could have made the biggest mistake of my life. I didn’t even get to hear him preach before we married! We often laughed at that. But that’s how I know he was tailor made and everything about him was perfect for me.

Were it not for him, I would never know what true love, devotion, care, concern, trust, security, compassion, friendship, forgiveness, gentleness and respect is in a relationship. This is what the Bible says in Ephesians 5:25-29:

“25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a] 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,……..”

He was the epitome of those verses.
Everything that went left in my life happened after he transitioned. Even in that, I am so grateful to God because He has shown me, without a shadow of a doubt, that when we go through trials and tribulations, they are for our good and for His glory.

On this same day two years ago, God allowed me to begin a trip across this country to begin a new chapter in my life. God allowed me to travel safely without incident while I absolutely enjoyed the journey! 

So, questions might arise about what happened?!

You may remember me saying that God sent my Chapter 2 to me. The fact is, God allowed my Chapter 2 to be a lesson for me so I can help others.

While I shared my glorious story about how God restored everything that I had lost in three years, I was the little child who said, “God you didn’t restore everything! You can’t restore my husband nor the love that we shared because he’s not coming back”. I remember saying those words so clearly. God and I would have these spats after I lost my husband. I’m so very sure at the moment I said those words, that God had to sigh. He knew what I was feeling and He was already prepared for what was to take place next.

The issue is, not only did I say those words and God heard those words, but so did the enemy! This is why it is so true that your words have power and the power of life and death is in the tongue.

There seems to be agreement among those who teach the Word of God that the enemy cannot read the thoughts in our minds. But one observes that the devil doesn’t have to read our thoughts because he put most of them in there.

However, although the enemy may not know what we are thinking, he can hear what we say, read what we write, and observe what we do.

Our negative words and actions give the enemy a legal standing in the court of heaven to use our own words and actions against us. So the enemy tempts us, entices us, lures us, waiting and watching for us to go for the bait. When we do, just like the slewfoot devil he is, he goes before God and accuses us in an attempt to gain permission to inflict misery upon us.

What I do know is that God is in control and the enemy has to seek His permission to touch his servants. As with most spiritual issues, it’s up to us to choose to partner with God. There is a part that we must do first, before God will do the part that only He can do. We have to know the ways of the enemy, and equip ourselves with the “Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God.”

So, yes I failed miserably but God cleaned it up and protected and provided for me. See, He knew even when I traveling here what I was going to encounter for 14 months but He stayed right there with me.

The enemy tried to desecrate my wedding anniversary and get me to leave God’s side, His plan for my life and the blessings He has for me. 

The enemy only needs a crack or a door to slip into and he did just that by those words I spoke. I opened the door and let him right in but God closed that door!

You all know who I am. Some of you have known me for 50 years and many have known me for over 30 years. I’ve grown but I haven’t changed much.

I was talking to a group of high school friends yesterday. One of them I knew since we were in the 4th grade. I mentioned something to her about who I am and she had to admit, yea, that’s true. My heart is still my heart. This is the heart that God gave me even before I learned to trust Him completely. I don’t have an on/off switch on my heart. You can mistreat me and I will still love you. People ask how I can love when I’ve been mistreated. You would have to ask God that question.

For 14 months in the sunny state of Nevada, I went through physical, emotional, verbal, spiritual and financial abuse. This was supposed to be my Chapter 2 with someone who said he loved and cherished me. Instead, it was a lesson.

How can a person say they love another but fail to do what the Word teaches? This is a person who says that they are “walking with God…with peace and pleasure”. So, shouldn’t I have been loved as he loves himself? No man has hated his own flesh. 

I have a degree in psychology and I missed the signs. There are people who have narcissistic traits and I missed them.
I learned what those traits are in school but I had never experienced them. I had the theory but not the practice. God has allowed me to do so much research since 2020, gain my 2020 vision and align the theory with the practice. It was also my year of victory. It actually turned out to be a year of victory! I spoke those words at the beginning of 2020 and God fulfilled them.

Look for my book coming out later this year dealing with the life I lived.

We must have a battle plan to counterattack strategies used by the enemy to keep us defeated. If you ever served in the military, you know they would never think about going to war without a battle plan. You need the same with the enemy. You need strategies to exploit the enemy’s weaknesses and maximize your strengths so you can win. We all have a spiritual enemy and he has waged war against us.

Kenneth Copeland has said this:

“As Christians, we know Jesus has already defeated Satan for us (Colossians 2:15), but that doesn’t mean Satan isn’t going to use certain strategies to try and trick us into believing otherwise. His strategies are intended to keep us defeated and to take everything that is rightfully ours.

This is where some Christians are deceived. They say, “The enemy is already defeated,” then lie down and take a whipping. If we had no responsibility to stand our ground against the devil’s schemes, then God would not have told us to “resist the devil” (James 4:7) or to use “the weapons of our warfare” (2 Corinthians 10:4, KJV), and He would have had no need to give us “authority over all the power of the enemy” (Luke 10:19).” 

So the enemy certainly visited me to steal, kill and destroy. Jesus told some unbelievers, “You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies”. Rather than bring life, he tried to bring death. Rather than give, he tried to steal. Rather than build up, he tried to destroy.

So, yes I failed. I know you have heard the saying that you tried to bury me but you didn’t know I was a seed.

I can take it a step further. I gave up my dreams and my life to become someone else’s dreams and life and mine were crushed to the ground. I lost myself and my soul. I was expected to die. But the dirt that was thrown on me is being used by God to help me to grow and rebuild. God is telling me to stand and not buckle under the weight and pressure of the dirt because He is lifting, raising and elevating me to levels I have never known before. And I won’t even look dirty!!! 

I am so sorry that many of you were so happy for what I was entering into by relocating to a new state. I bless your hearts for that! But God re-wrote my story, turned my pain into power, my tests into testimonies and my agony into aspiration!

Emily Dickinson said that March is a month of expectation.
In 1979, I received everything that was promised to me!
In 2019, forty years later, I received so much more than I ever bargained for – God’s grace, mercy, guidance, direction, provision, protection and unfailing love!

**************************************************************************************************

If you are looking for a speaker who will impact your audiences as she shares getting through their pain to their power, their tests to their testimonies and their agony to their aspirations, please think of The FIRST lady.

Visit the website for everything that we offer in Inner Healing:
1. Livestream and Clubhouse Teachings
2. Guest Podcasting
3. eBooks
4. Online Courses
5. Group Coaching
6. 1:1 Coaching

If you have experienced trauma and need coaching/counseling on releasing it, please join our Facebook group.
If you are looking for a second stream of income while helping ladies improve their self esteem, please join my VIP Group.

I can be reached at firstlady@firstladyministries.org or at 973-214-1136.

God bless you on your NEW journeys!

***********************************************************************

Denyse H. Turner, D.H.L., M.P.H., M.A., ACC
Certified Inner Healing Minister/Counselor/Coach
Certified Christian Family Counselor
Public Speaker/Author/Grantwriter/Ghostwriter/Trainer/Counselor/Faith-Based Travel Educator
First Lady and Chief Connector at Dr. Gregory C. Turner, Late Pastor of Christ Temple Baptist Church

First Lady helping others win!

I am picking up ministry where my husband left off!

Events

The Maryland Covenant Ministers’ Wives Organization
hosts a session for Pastors’ and Ministers’ Wives on
‘REMOVING THE MASK’

We wear masks because we are in positions of leadership that seek to help others while we, ourselves, suffer silently. We will discuss how and why to remove those masks hiding pain and betrayal to create healing for ourselves. We cannot help to heal others if we are still bleeding.

Let’s take these issues to the cross. We will then take them from the cross to healing!

Pastors’ Wives Conference
Saturday, June 12, 2021
Details Forthcoming!

A Mournful List of Honors

As we enter into this season of the glorious Resurrection, this is the week of JesusPalmSunday‘ Triumphal Entry into Jerusalem. We hear many sermons and teachings on the entry, the passion, the crucifixion and the resurrection. We don’t, however, always know how they all fit together. If you don’t want to admit it, that’s fine. I didn’t always know how they all fit together and all of the consequences.

Jesus’ purpose in riding into Jerusalem was to make public His claim to be their Messiah and King of Israel in fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy. There is so much information on the symbolism of the donkey, the variations of the synoptic gospels, the Sanhedrin trial, the cultures of the day, why the palm branches were chosen, the great feasts and so much more that we just don’t have time to get into.

Unfortunately, the praise the people lavished on Jesus was not because they recognized Him as their Savior from sin. They welcomed Him out of their desire for a messianic deliverer, someone who would lead them in a revolt against Rome. There were many who, though they did not believe in Christ as Savior, nevertheless hoped that perhaps He would be to them a great temporal deliverer. These are the ones who hailed Him as King with their many hosannas, recognizing Him as the Son of David who came in the name of the Lord. But when He failed in their expectations, when He refused to lead them in a massive revolt against the Roman occupiers, the crowds quickly turned on Him.

Because of this, I just want to mention the “honors” that were given during that season that we don’t often think about.

  1. Procession of Honor – the Roman legionaries, Jewish priests, men and women took a part while Jesus carried His own cross. This is the triumph awarded to Him who came to save us from our sins. Cruel taunts were His only praise.
  2. Wine of Honor – instead of a golden cup of wine, they offered vinegar (made of light wine rendered acid, the common drink of Roman soldiers) “mingled with gall,” or, “mingled with myrrh;” both expressions meaning the same thing, namely, that the vinegar was made bitter by the infusion of wormwood or some other bitter substance, usually given, according to a merciful custom, as an anodyne to those who were crucified, to render them insensible to pain. Our Lord, knowing this, refuses to drink it. He would take nothing to cloud His faculties or blunt the pain of dying. He chooses to suffer every element of woe in the bitter cup of agony given Him by the Father.
  3. Guard of Honor – they showed their esteem by gambling over His garments.
  4. Throne of Honor – that throne was found upon a bloody tree. The cross was the full expression of the world’s feeling towards Him.
  5. Title of Honor – was “King of the Jews” but the blinded nation distinctly repudiated, or refused to accept it, and called Him “King of Thieves”. His glory was turned into shame by the sons of men.

The story of the triumphal entry is one of contrasts, and those contrasts contain applications to believers. It is the story of the King who came as a lowly servant on a donkey, not a prancing steed, not in royal robes, but on the clothes of the poor and humble. Jesus Christ comes not to conquer by force as earthly kings but by love, grace, mercy, and His own sacrifice for His people. His is not a kingdom of armies and splendor but of lowliness and servanthood. He conquers not nations but hearts and minds. His message is one of peace with God, not of temporal peace.

If Jesus has made a triumphal entry into our hearts, He reigns there in peace and love. As His followers, we should exhibit those same qualities, and the world sees the true King living and reigning in triumph in us.

Have a wonderful Resurrection season!

*********************************************************************
NewHeadshotDenyse H. Turner
, L.H.D, M.P.H., M.A., ACC
First Lady helping others win!
Picking up ministry where my husband left off!
Inner Healing Minister/Counselor/Public Speaker/Author/Trainer/Faith-Based Travel Educator
Chief Connector at Dr. Gregory C. Turner, Late Pastor of Christ Temple Baptist Church

Heal Thyself

brokenheart

I feel the need to share a couple of things. It’s a little lengthy but bear with me.
As I’ve traveled to bring messages of hope along with my story, I tell people that I’ve come to love, know and trust God. People look at me strangely because they may know I’ve been in church for 60 years. You didn’t love, know and trust God before??
Let me explain. I’ve never had any trauma in my life as great as what I’m experiencing. Trauma is an event outside normal human experience that is beyond our control and may cause us to feel intense anger, fear, horror or a sense of helplessness or shame. Yes, I felt all of that! The act is not the trauma but its our reaction to it.
But God has allowed me to learn more about Him and trust in Him completely! He has made ways of which I stand in awe. Yes, I trusted Him to take care of my family, to feed us, to clothe us, to keep us healthy, etc. You know all of the things that we “testify” about.
But having a DEEP hurt and DEEP pain truly leads you higher. God has taken me to a new dimension. Most of us say He’s taking us to a new level. But levels are flat. I would rather say dimension because dimensions include length, breadth, height and depth.
I lost my best friend that I met in kindergarten. That’s 55 years. That pain is excruciating enough. But add betrayal that was done to my husband and me on top. NEVER experienced a trauma so great!
To say I was angry is putting it mildly. But God made me realize that I was not fighting flesh and blood. It wasn’t “people” who betrayed us. I was fighting against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. THAT’S where my attention had to be focused. I re-learned that everything that has happened to me, God was present, He has allowed them and He has my best interests at heart.
But when you experience trauma, there is a window of opportunity to release that pain. That window is only 24-72 hours. If the pain is not dealt with, the effects of trauma may be entrenched and stored away – later causing bitter roots to develop. If that window of opportunity is lost, it has to be re-opened through healing prayer. God will release the anger, shock, fear, terror and shame and replace it with His peace. I’m a witness!
Its often said that HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE. But if you allow God to remove it, hurt and betrayal will not damage you.
I made a post today about forgiving people. One of the most difficult things we humans are ever called upon to do is to respond to evil with kindness, and to forgive the unforgivable.
Many times we make excuses for not forgiving like “how can I forgive if I can’t stop being angry?’ Forgiveness is not the cessation of anger. It is CHOOSING to give assent to Christ’s work on the cross. Then we say “I’ll forgive but not forget”. NO WHERE in scripture does it say we must forget. In fact, remembering protects us in the future.
But how many times has the Father forgiven us?? Think about it. Matthew 6:14-15 says “For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.”
If you do not forgive, you are not forgiven. How many transgressions are you holding onto because God has not forgiven you because you have not forgiven somebody else?
These things need to be brought to death on the cross while bringing life in Christ.
God is leading me to develop this new ministry, picking up where my husband left off.
People have developed personal strongholds, sinful reactions to hurt and betrayals, critical and condemning judgments of others, refusal or inability to forgive others, recurring life and behavior patterns such as job losses, personal characteristics which you resented, disliked or hated in the primary people who raised you, etc.
Many times we say “I forgive you” or “I’m fine” but its just lip service. Jesus commands us in Luke to “dig deep” into the foundations of our lives to put to death each situation. You cannot just “forget what lies behind” because deeply ingrained attitudes have damaged our hearts without us even knowing.
He has lead me to certification as an Inner Healing Minister. If you know of someone who can use assessment, or if even you would like to get assessed, please call me at 973-214-1136 or email me at firstladyministries@gmail.com.
I love you and there is nothing you can do about it!

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10896966_10205710842516350_314393234073763629_nDenyse H. Turner, L.H.D, M.P.H., M.A., ACC
First Lady who is out to help others win!
I am picking up ministry where my husband left off!
Public Speaker/Inner Healing Minister/Counselor/Author/Trainer/Faith-Based Travel Educator
Chief Connector at Dr. Gregory C. Turner, Late Pastor of Christ Temple Baptist Church

Clergy At Greater Risk to Suffer from Depression

You may think Clergy Members have an easy life. My husband and I use to refute comments almost every day with people saying “you only work one day a week”. Nothing could be further from the truth. Because of the demands placed on clergy, they are at a much greater risk to suffer from depression and anxiety than any other profession. This was confirmed through a study of the Clergy Health Initiative at Duke Divinity School. We use to tell those people that they “see the glory but don’t know the story”.

A powerful predictor of depression and anxiety was most notably job stress. Activities, including grief counseling, navigating the competing demands of congregants, and delivering a weekly sermon that opens them up to criticism are among the most stressful. When pastors have to move from one activity to another quickly, this exacerbates the stress.

Pastors often experience a sense of guilt about not doing enough, which leads to depression. If they have a minimum of social support, they’re at a greater risk.

“Pastors may have created a life for themselves that is so strongly intertwined with their ministry, that their emotional health is dependent on the state of their ministry,” said Rae Jean Proeschold-Bell, the Clergy Health Initiative’s research director, and assistant research professor at the Duke Global Health Institute. “So it’s possible that when pastors feel their ministry is going well, they experience positive emotions potent enough to buffer them from mental distress. Of course, the converse is also true.” depression

My husband’s life was so strongly intertwined in the ministry that we never took a real vacation. Our time away was built around conferences and conventions. Additionally, whenever we traveled, he always had a place to spread the gospel. He loved the church and loved the congregants wholeheartedly. He sacrificed much of our family time to serve the church and her members. There were still comments that what he was doing was not enough and the appreciation was many times minuscule.

Betrayal was the ultimate act that lead to his severe depression, subsequently leading to his demise. This seems so senseless when your whole life is built around love for people.

I believe pastors know what they can do to preserve their mental health. But congregation members can best preserve their pastors by volunteering for tasks, following through with commitments made by the church, sharing with your pastor when you are helped by their work and word and making it possible for them to take much needed time away.

#AllLivesMatter, if not to you, certainly to God!

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10896966_10205710842516350_314393234073763629_nDenyse H. Turner, L.H.D, M.P.H., M.A., ACC
First Lady who is out to help others win!
I am picking up ministry where my husband left off!
Public Speaker/Author/Trainer/Counselor/Faith-Based Travel Educator
First Lady and Chief Connector at Dr. Gregory C. Turner, Late Pastor of Christ Temple Baptist Church

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About Dr. Denyse H. Turner

Married for 38 years, I had been a Pastor’s Wife for 36 of those years. Throughout my husband’s entire ministerial/pastoral career, I worked side by side with him tirelessly.

As committed Christians, we erroneously thought that Christians were full of love and compassion. We found out the hard way this was not always correct. My husband transitioned November 22, 2015 from severe depression and betrayal. A subsequent re-connection to my high school sweetheart resulted in intense abuse never experienced before in life.

Now I’m sure lots of questions immediately enter your mind. They will all be answered, either through this blog or my upcoming book. Stay tuned and follow us!

This blog will take you through the entire journey of my life, my accomplishments, my failures, my joys, my grief and eventually my purpose!

Travel has been my passion since I left my trained profession of health care administration in 2005. I had owned a general travel agency since then. My focus has now shifted to Faith-Based Travel Education for churches and ministries. Faith-Based organizations would be surprised to see how Travel Ministries impact their congregations positively. I will also do groups who like to be customized with private events. These types of travel offer to propel your ‘Dreams and Destiny‘.

Follow us as this information is intended to help women/wives who are in life’s sensitive situations that have created pain to not get stuck in the pain but to get back on the road to discovering your real purpose with God’s help.

I am on the road fulfilling my God-intended purpose. But I did not find out that purpose until I went through my pain. Sometimes God has to subtract in order to add. He had to take almost everything that meant anything to me to discover my purpose. God has to make us uncomfortable to bless us! He will never place us in a “wilderness experience” to destroy us but to rebuild and repair us. That “wilderness experience” is necessary because when you’re rebuilt, no man will ever be able to say “I made you who/what you are”!

It was nobody but God!

MOVING THROUGH PAIN TO PURPOSE!

Is your life not fulfilling? Do you think God has something else for you to do? Learn how to discover your real purpose through your pain so you can be a blessing to someone else who is struggling!

For Speaking Engagements, please contact us at firstlady@firstladyministries.org.